For Paul and Alice Glenn
It began as a simple, albeit stupid, mistake. That mistake quickly escalated into kidnapping, and threats of violence. And to make matters worse, the perpetrators of these threats were my own loving, kind, and slightly twisted parents.
I had returned from a visit to Florida to see my family. As I unpacked my suitcase, I found a television remote control at the bottom of the bag. I said to my husband, “Oh no, I accidently brought my parents remote control home with me.” In an attempt to return it to them quickly, I mailed it back that very afternoon.
Later that evening my husband began lifting pillows and looking between cushions. The moment he said, “I can’t find the remote,” I knew what I had done. Oh no. The remote that I had found was ours, and it was on its way from California to Florida!
The next morning I called my parents and explained to them how, and why, I had mailed them a T.V. remote control. After the laughter subsided, they promised to mail it back to me, A.S.A.P.
Almost immediately the first photo arrived via email. The photo was of our remote, now going by the name “Remo.” He was reclining with his Florida cousins, enjoying the sun with a cold brew, in his new sunglasses.
The next day we received a note, saying that Remo had been kidnapped, never to be returned. During Remo’s time in captivity he managed to have few adventures.
First, he went to Cape Canaveral, where he attempted escape onboard a launch of the Space Shuttle. He was stopped by an astronaut and returned to his captors. Unfortunately the photo was redacted, due to national security concerns.
Remo attempted another escape, via skate board. But he fell, and was immediately recaptured.
In yet another attempt to get away, he ducked into the famous Ron Jon’s Surf Shop.
He was hoping to blend in with the other tourists. It did not work. He was nabbed again.
With each of the daily emails and accompanying photo, my husband grew less amused. Somberly he said “I realize your parents are having fun, but I would like my remote back now.”
It seemed that Remo missed him too, because he tried to phone home.
When I decided to track the package that I had mailed to Florida, I discovered that it had not even arrived there yet! Those sunglasses were just a clever disguise by an imposter, hoping to throw us off track. Those fiendish Floridians would stop at nothing to build the number of people following “The Adventures of Remo” and his daily email updates.
The final straw for poor Remo came shortly after the truth of his subterfuge came to light. His usually friendly and easy going Uncle, did him in with chain saw!
Thus “The Adventures of Remo” came to an end. Poor Remo, he was never heard from again.